|
|
|
|
with my designer background
i've always been a pretty picky present wrapper:
no visible tape
paper patterns matching
colour coordination to die for
last christmas
my sister and i were behind schedule (as usual)
but this was really behind!
it was christmas eve
and i was still wrapping presents
i was indulging in a drink or two
which didn't help with the med kick-in
but i was also into the dreaded 'hormone freeze'
and i still had 6 presents to wrap
my sister was keeping me company while i worked
but had her back to me having sworn under oath not to peek
while i struggled to cope with paper, and tape, and ribbon, etc.
one package
took Half An Hour to complete
i then shuffled over to the tree,
be-e-en-n-t down, groaning like i was 149 instead of 49,
and attempted to position the treasure artistically
suddenly,
reality hit me!
(luckily the shops here
are pretty liberal with inner tissue paper
and outer decorative boxes and pretty gold elastic ties)
so
wrapping the next package consisted of:
stuff it in the box,
slap some tissue on it,
mash the box lid down on the sucker,
snap the damn elastic on it,
and throw it at the damn tree!
now THAT's wrapped!
we laughed and laughed and laughed!
so much for pride ...
99/12/21 Rules of Christmas Cracker Usage and Deployment
1. all Crackers to be distributed and displayed elegantly as
part of the celebratory dinner table place settings
2. poppin Crackers takes place after y'all sit down and afore
any food appears
sounds like 'keep the hungry animules amused' but no
Even the Cooks Have to Sit Down and Participate at The Same
Time
3. you Have to share poppin repsonsibilities with a next door
neighbour at the table
no cheatin by pullin the Snap directly
you have to prove your skill and your strength
by holdin the Cracker at the pinched spot reeeeeeel tight
and then pullin against your neighbour
any flying debris to be returned to appropriate Cracker owner
forthwith
4. you Have to remember which Cracker is yours
you Have to wear the Hat
no cheatin
no whinin about colours or fit
most groups include at least one individual skilled at custom
paper Hat fittage
5. you all Have to take turns readin the Mottos out loud
no, i don't know why they're called Mottos
just do it
there should be a respectful silence from the cheap seats
while each Motto is read or at least until the last syllable
is uttered
6. you Have to demonstrate your Novelty to everyone else to the
best of your ability
no, i don't know why they're called Novelties
just do it
others are to display proper respect and admiration during
such demonstrations
7. Hats are to remain in place throughout dinner
no exceptions
no cheatin
no whinin
8. bartering in re Novelties and their ownership is permitted
only if carried out with suitable decorum
9. if, and only if, the above rules are followed properly,
instruction may be allowed,
if, and only if, suitable instructors are available,
in How To Hang a Teaspoon From One's Nose
1999/12/24 norad tracks santa / mixers
On Thu, 23 Dec 1999, christmasy carole wrote:
>>The Annual NORAD Tracks Santa site at
>>http://www.noradsanta.org/
>janet, since this marks the first Christmas that I am
>computer-literate (?), thanks to Mr.PD., this will be
>my maiden voyage with Santa, and I plan to bring my
>granddaughter along. Yet another case of mixed blessings...
>Carole
my dear carole
is that like a case of mixed coolers?
do you qualify for a quantity discount?
a maiden cyber-voyage
with santa and a grand-daughter
sounds like a straight-up-no-rocks blessing to me
yesterday i received a photo of my sister's first grandson
seven months old
whose family have been long-lost to us
lo! these past 30 years
that full moon
could not outglow my grin
as i walked home from the post-office
i mentally retraced some old steps
along an old road:
1. pd
2. wake-up call to
3. enter universal university with an option
4. in cyber-space and a major
5. in the-written-word
6. begin ethereal explorations
7. strike long-lost-friends-and-family gold
8. begin earthly explorations
9. find mother-lode
hit's time to git oursels a bigger bus!
jingly jannie magnolia
BTW
my version of Mr. PD is a feminist (natch)
she wears lots of different hats
but her name is always
gracie
2000/12/11 swirls and eddies
let it snow let it snow let it snow
the first big snowfall of the year
is piling down as i tap
winter is here
christmas is coming
another year is turning
i am full of emotion
tenderness
sadness
relief
grief
hope
joy
i am a jumble of conflicting control conundra
i keep getting caught up in the swirl like one snowflake out of
millions
i keep forgetting that all i need do is
let it go let it go let it go
2001/11/20 living alone with pd before christmas
it's an oxymoron
if i truly live
i am not alone
never have been
never will be
this physical life is not all there is to me
pd is not all there is to me
it is but a step in the road i travel
while i am here
things have been given me
to teach me to let them go
wordiness has left me
worldliness has left me
joy has found me
every day
christmas is but a symbol of the self re-dis-covery
we will each make in our own time
a fore-taste of our inherent but forgotten capacity
for loving ourselves and each other
alone = quiet = thought = peace
on earth
as it is in heaven
janet paterson
2001/11/20